 Re: Please submit with Japanese and English names
I certainly prefer your version, but there's nothing wrong with the original. English names is comprehensible in the context, while the objects of the verbs are simply elided as they would be comprehensible from the context. You haven't provided the full context, but you say that it is an "notice to invite contributions". So it must previously have been made clear what those contributions were. You have simply restated everything - which is not a bad thing in terms of style and clarity. The original writer took it for granted that the co-text would allow the reader to infer what was to be faxed/submitted.
So - it's not a matter of "right" or "wrong" but just of which style of communication is more suited to the context and, ultimately, more effective. |