 Re: What's wrong?
Following are some of the comments made by members of the aforementioned forum.
(1) «Yup. Poor writing. "[Favorite big group word here (e.g. masses of, hordes of, etc.) (not necessary)] People streamed in, filling the more than [700/seven hundred; I'm not picky but you might want to match later] seats in the pews, with more than a hundred lining the doorways along the side(s)."»
(2) «"Hundreds streamed in. More than 700 filled the pews, and 100 more stood in the doorways along the side."»
(3) «For me, the problem is the grouping and numbering, going from non-specific to specific, even if estimated. Why not just say, "People streamed in, filling more than 700 seats with more than 100 left standing"?
I also hate it when you see, common in advertising, "More than 17 in stock!" That's a specific number, so why don't they just say that they have the actual number?»
(4) «I agree with (No 2). Keep the prose tight; too many figures and prepositions can muddle things.»
(5) «It's not the neatest sentence and I would certainly say "doorways" instead of "doors" but I don't have a problem with "as" at the beginning. It's not really necessary and I would probably omit it, adding "with" before "more".»
(6) «Someone standing in a door is inside the door, so it doesn't make sense.»
(7) «I don't understand what the author means by 'the conjunction as is doing a dirty work'.
A native speaker wouldn't say that.»
(8) «It's the first time I've heard of a word being accused of doing dirty work!»  |